|What are journals good for? Guilt.
||[Aug. 20th, 2010|04:39 pm]
21st century digital girl
So, I might have just insulted our transgendered employee over the phone accidentally and I feel so bad about it, I'm going to update my livejournal. I know we have a transgendered employee because people "warned" me about her when I started working here. I guess it's good not to be surprised, even if you have PC liberal leanings. Anyway, I haven't worked with her and I didn't ask her name or try to look for her so I could get huffy that she could be using the same bathroom as me. |
But today I unwittingly called her on the phone about a visitor and she sounded counfused and I mistook the confusion as "Listen, front-desk-girl, I am a dude who is sensative about his girly voice, I am NOT the lady you were trying to call!" so I apologized and said I was trying to get ahold of (Girl's name) before it dawned on me that maybe she was the girl I'd heard about and I might have just implied that SHE was not the lady she claimed to be. I fumbled and we hung up fast.
I imagine it’s real frustrating when you think you’re making progress and getting closer to your goals (She looks very nice, but I don't think she's fully in transition yet.)and then somebody on the phone who isn’t biased by seeing you or having known you pre-goal makes an assumption like that.
It’s hard enough figuring out what it means to be a woman, and how to get femininity down without seeming like a child or loosing the respect of other people when you’re born a girl, I can’t even imagine how crazy it is to undertake that when you start with a disadvantage. Girls are pretty hard on themselves as it is.
I guess stuff like that is a good gauge for her to know how far along she is in the process, really, though. I imagine over-supportive friends pretending you’ve always been a girl and you look perfect when you don’t feel like you’re supposed to yet is just as frustrating as people who keep calling you “Carl” instead of “Carla” after a while. At least that is what I’m going to tell myself. That she could tell my mistake was an innocent one, and that she chalked it up to an experience that will make her better and help her forge her identity.